This is the story of how a pitch-black power cut and a panic attack led to a broken wrist and some self-help toward recovery from not only a broken wrist, but a mentally traumatic experience as well.
I’ve included along the way some tips and possible products to purchase that have been extremely helpful to me in attaining the afore-mentioned recovery, in case any of you have been/are going through something similar and are not sure what to do for the best.
I can only, of course, speak from my own personal experience and tell you what worked for me… I hope it will be helpful to you too!
Now that I am finally able to talk/write about “the incident” without being triggered, I’ve kept it, more or less, in the form of a diary entry… as if it is happening in real time.
Here goes:
Wednesday August 16th, 2017.
Early this morning, I broke my left wrist. I am left-handed… NOT GOOD.
How? You may well ask…
I get up to use the bathroom at around 3am. Pitch-black and hot as power is out.
When I say pitch black, I mean I can see NOTHING!
(Hubby said later he’d walked into the fireplace and the window, since there was no moon, no stars out... nothing at all - not even a glimmer).
I've never experienced this before, but somehow I realize I’m having an extreme panic attack. Feels like I’m inside a black box and it is closing in on me… not good for someone who is already claustrophobic. I need to get out of there so jump up out of bed—and that is my big mistake, as that is why I pass out.
I drop to the floor like a stone. Hubby says it happens 3 times and on the 3rd I stop breathing for a few seconds. (Wish he had not told me that part!).
I must land on my left wrist, as it soon begins to hurt. Still had to use the bathroom when I came around, wrist or no wrist
We spend 3 hours in ER… all getting stuff done, (x-rays, CT scan, splint), no waiting around.
Colles fracture. They say it needs surgery. Phones not working when we get home, and no reception on mobile due to cloud cover, so have to wait till tomorrow to call the surgeon and arrange appointment for this. But at least the power is back on!
On strong pain pills, NORCO (Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen) prescribed by the ER doctor, so not doing much except resting/napping.
When I go to bed, I turn off the light to go to sleep and events of last night immediately come to the front of my mind as vivid as if they were happening again in real time. I feel panic rise again. Have to turn on the light, open the door, and turn on the TV. I watch something… cannot tell what. Only after half an hour do I feel comfortable enough to lie down again. However, I have to leave the light on and the door open. Dreams are filled with enclosed spaces. Not good. I need sleep.
Thursday August 17th, 2017.
Phones are back on, so call surgeons. Got answerphone. Eventually, after trying several more times, I get a human to speak with. She says she’ll get back with me ASAP with an appointment…
Bedtime goes as it did last night. I need light on, door open, AC as is normal in summertime, and TV on for a bit, then radio. Claustrophobia feels much worse than before… but only, it seems, in my bedroom, where “the incident” happened.
Saturday August 19th, 2017.
Terrible morning. Have to empty kitchen bin, struggle. Spill coffee all over my hospital paperwork. Very trying day so far.
Bedtime: Leave light on till I’m almost asleep and door open. Turn light off but have blue “nightlight” from radio unit, along with hubby leaving living room dimmer on low outside the open door. This helps a bit, but I am up in the night and feel panicky so get up and walk around till I feel better.
Monday August 21st, 2017.
No word from surgeons all weekend, so I call them. Again. Manage to get a person on the phone and get an appointment for tomorrow at 1pm.
Bedtime. Layla, my little dog, stays on the bed with me till I’m asleep. She is doing her best, helping me heal after the traumatic experience/panic attack, but it’s going to take a while… She’d make a great therapy dog.
Tuesday August 22nd, 2017.
Woke up in early hours… could not switch off my mind or get back to sleep. Dayum. Go to see surgeon at 1pm. Surgery is definitely required, (plate and pins), and is scheduled for next Monday at 4pm, but is short, (35 minutes), and recovery will be faster.
BUGGER!
However, that will be one less thing when it’s done with.
They give me a new splint. I call it my BORG arm.
Again, I cannot sleep in my room. This is getting really old, and I can’t go on this way. So this time, I return to the living room for a bit. Little Layla came with me. I fall asleep there in my recliner… her in the other beside me… maybe this is the answer?
Wednesday August 23rd, 2017.
Electric goes off again last night! Well… early this morning. The reader can imagine how that goes down with me. Manage to catch a few more winks though in the living room, but the electric recliner is stuck in the halfway position, since I’d got up to use the bathroom a few moments before, so my sleeping position leaves a lot to be desired.
And so another wakeful night, but at least I am now aware that sleep in the living room recliner seems to be more attainable than in the bedroom. Perhaps this is because the bedroom is the place I had the panic attack that led to the broken wrist. In time, I am certain I can overcome this, but in the meantime, I shall continue to chase sleep in the living room.
I also find that talking about “the incident” seems to act like a trigger… therefore I avoid the subject for now. I’m certain this will not last forever, but I feel I need to heal more first, mentally.
When the daylight finally emerges, Hubby takes me into town so that I can get my hair washed. It is long and thick, so washing it with one hand is not an option. It is also overdue for a trim, so I get that done at the same time. Feels good to have clean hair once again. Meanwhile, I find some dry shampoo online and order some for between times.
Monday August 28th, 2017.
I sleep, somewhat. Stay awake from 4am and drink more water, as won’t be able to later. At 6.30am, I have toast, morning pain pill, 2 cups of coffee, and another tumbler of water by 7am. I go back to bed, but up again by 11.30am. Walk the dogs 12.30pm. Have lunchtime pain pill as we leave the house at 1pm, but obviously no lunch. At surgery place by 2pm – surgery at 4pm.
Surgery went well. Light dinner = cheese burger from Braum’s. Home by 7pm. Still ditsy from surgery.
Tuesday August 29th, 2017.
Slept in the recliner last night, as I have lately found no problems going to sleep there.
The reason?
My friend’s suggestion of going through the alphabet honing in on a particular subject—e.g. boy’s names.
This works for getting to sleep initially, but when I wake up in the night in mild panic, I have to sit up at least for a few moments before trying the alphabet trick again, giving myself a stiff talking to, and listening to new age music, like Enya. I find that this style of music is most conducive to falling asleep, since it is inoffensive, non-intrusive, not sad but not hyper or too upbeat/lively, and just all round pleasant.
Slept pretty well, as it goes. Only up a couple of times, one to have “middle of night” pain pills.
Monday 11th September, 2017.
Slept well, anxiety is almost gone now, thanks to my own mind training exercises. Get my stitches out and cast off today at 9am. Get the BORG splint back on for the next stage of healing. Should make movement a little easier—the heavy cast is… well… heavy, awkward, and very stiff, making movement nearly impossible, but I use my hand as much as I dare. I know it is good to use it and keep it moving somewhat, (will keep swelling down too), but I also know it isn’t good to overdo when it’s trying to heal… Finding the balance. Am sure physio therapy will supply some useful exercises that will help with this. Starting that on Wednesday for a month.
Looking forward to getting rid of this cumbersome beast from my arm! Nice to say “WE ARE BORG” again.
Tuesday 12th September, 2017.
Slept very well again. Training my mind to not anticipate another situation like the one that led to my broken wrist is slowly working.
We go to Walmart and buy a standing lamp. We need a place in the living room where we could put one of the “Lyfelite” bulbs that arrived today—I’d ordered them a few days ago. They stay on when the power goes out. They really work!!
Also buy a cool gel pillow and a wedge for my bed, as I really like being propped up, a la the recliner. All of this helps further calm my mind against the possibility of panicking during another “pitch-black” power cut. As much as our power goes out here in the country, all above steps are necessary and helpful, especially after “the incident,” so further aiding sleep and reducing any remaining anxiety.
I’m not able to sleep in my bed yet as my wrist is still a way from being fully healed, and there is still a possibility of pain waking me at night if I was to move around too much, so still sleeping in the recliner. I don’t need help waking up in the night, thank you very much!
Recliner is also easier to get up out of than bed currently, without putting any strain on the wrist. However, my bed is now all ready for when my wrist catches up with my mind.
Wednesday 13th September, 2017.
Slept well again. Woke up only once and was able to get right back off to sleep again. Anxiety is now almost non-existent. My own techniques, mentioned above, are working very well. Slow, but steady.
Have the first therapy session for my wrist at 2pm… I am able to tell him all about “the incident” without it triggering me for the first time since it happened.
Major step forward!
Wrist is extra sore this evening, though it did not hurt during therapy, and I need an extra pill on top of my now-usual night time two. Swelling is also worse again, while when in therapy it had improved a little. Therefore, I couldn’t do any more of the exercises he gave me today.
Thursday 14th September, 2017.
I manage the exercises as directed. It is sore, of course, but copeable with.
And, there you have it. I hope my story might manage to help someone else.